Brace Yourselves

On Tuesday I took the first step on a journey that is going to have a profound impact on my life. This is something I have wanted to do for many years, and I finally decided it was time to act.

I got braces. Yes, at age 45, I'm a metal mouth.

When I was a child, braces were not financially feasible for my parents. When I was a teenager I went to a parochial high school, and it was made clear that tuition took precedence over elective cosmetic dentistry, which was perfectly understandable, and at that age I didn't much care how my teeth looked anyway. But as I got older, even as I grew less self-conscious and more comfortable with my overall appearance, I was bothered more and more by the state of my mouth.

I'm very fortunate to have healthy teeth, but they have always been terribly crooked. The bottom teeth are extremely crowded in front, my canines protrude something awful, making me look a little like Spike, and my upper molars are angled inboard of the lower ones, which is called a cross bite. My dentist made molds of my uppers and lowers a couple of weeks ago, and it was kind of shocking to see just how badly messed up my mouth is.

I've been going to the same dentist for more than 15 years, and I think he and all his staff are fantastic. My comfort with and confidence in them is a big part of why I chose to do this. My dentist has spent most of his career learning how to do new stuff, and when he showed me the Damon System braces, which were designed specifically for adult mouths, I could see how excited he was about them. They achieve results faster than other types of braces, and they are not painful.

The upper bracess went on first, because my cross bite needs to be opened up somewhat before the bottoms can be fitted. Little metal brackets were glued to each of my upper teeth, a wire was fed through them, and the brackets were then snapped shut to hold the wire taut and in place. In six weeks I'll go back to get the wire changed to one that is slightly thicker and will thus put a little more tension on the teeth. Six weeks after that, the dentist should be able to put on the lower braces. After that, I only have to go in about every three months to get the wires changed.

It took me only about four hours to dislodge two of the brackets, so I had to go back to the office yesterday to have them reglued. The doc said he didn't do a good enough job attaching one of them, and the other was knocked loose by one of my lower teeth while I was eating, due to my cross bite. To prevent that from happening again, he had to glue pegs onto a lower molar on each side to create some space between the upper and lower teeth. (Fortunately, if a bracket comes loose, it's still on the wire so it can't go anywhere, i.e. you don't need to worry about accidentally swallowing it.)

Eating is now profoundly strange, and awkward, and a little gross. Food feels completely different in my mouth. Chewing is almost an alien activity. Even taking bites has been affected, because the pegs mean my teeth don't quite come together in front the way they used to, and they are a little tingly from having brackets glued to them. As a result, I have to take smaller bites and chew much more slowly and carefully. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as I've always eaten too fast and knew that I needed to slow down. Between that and the various snacky things (nuts, caramels, chips) that are now either off-limits or suddenly much more difficult to eat, I have a feeling I'm going to end up losing a few pounds, which again is okay.

Another ancillary benefit is that, as my upper bite is widened, my palate will also be opened, which will help me breathe better when I'm asleep, which may cut down on my snoring. Obviously there's no guarantee, but any gain achieved in this area will make the Mrs. happier.

All of this is going to cost about one-eighth of my gross yearly salary. Crazy, right? Maybe. But people pay far more for nose jobs, breast implants, liposuction, and any number of other cosmetic procedures. Everyone who chooses to do so has a reason, and most of them probably come down to self-esteem. I've never thought of myself as having low self-esteem, but I won't deny that a straighter smile will nonetheless make me feel better about myself. I could live the rest of my life with crooked teeth, but I have the opportunity and the means to correct them, so I'm doing it. Wouldn't you?