Move Along

Today at lunch I took a walk to a supermarket near the office to get a box of Quaker oatmeal breakfast bars. (I try to keep something breakfasty in my desk at work, in case I don't have time to eat breakfast at home.) I'd wanted to get them on the way into work, but I have a 9:30 meeting every Monday morning so I didn't have extra time today.

I got in line behind a senior citizen, who bought a couple bags' worth of groceries. Since I was buying just the one thing, I had my change in one hand and the bag in the other before she was quite ready to go on her way. I stood behind her, waiting for her to move out of the checkout lane. And I continued standing for 20 or 30 seconds while she fiddled with her bags.

Eventually she realized I was there, kind of half-looked at me over one shoulder and said, "Do you want to get by?" My brain cycled through possible responses: "No, I'd like to stand here looking at the back of your head all afternoon." "What do you think?" "Yes, you fucking idiot." I settled on "Please." Even though I kept my real thoughts to myself, she still acted like I was somehow inconveniencing her.

I'm an impatient person in general, and I get that most people don't move as quickly as I do, but the real annoyance is how people just get lost inside their own heads and give up any semblance of paying attention to the outside world, like people who climb to the top of a flight of stairs or an escalator and come to a dead stop because they aren't quite sure which way to go. As Stephen Colbert so aptly put it to Steve Carell on an old Daily Show segment, "What's the weather like up your own ass?"