Hideous Shoes Unit: Clearance Edition

I was poking through the sale section of the Urban Outfitters website in the hope of finding some interesting Vans when I came across these two offerings. I think it's clear why they are on clearance: because no one would want them.

You could still get a month or two of use out of these Sperry Top-Siders in a back-to-front ombre fade design. These aren't leather but canvas, and they're marked down from $85 to $60.

These Florsheim saddle shoes (it doesn't say so, but they must be from the Duckie Brown collection) are a much more advanced style move, so you'd better have your game in order. No reviews yet? Guess you'll have to be the trailblazer. Originally $335, now only $100—that's 70% off! Only sizes 8 and 9 are left, though. Really?