Color Them Bad

Add one more item to the rapidly-growing list of Every Single Eighties Fad That's Coming Back From The Dead Like A Zombie And Getting Recycled This Year: boat shoes. Not only are they apparently back, but they are proliferating in a rainbow of ungodly colors, as evidenced here and here and, perhaps most painfully, here.

These shoes were popular when I was in high school, but they only came in one color, dark brown. I'm definitely in favor of variety, but more importantly, the examples above are not colors that should be seen on the feet of any self-respecting man. Guys, if your significant other attempts to buy or get you to buy boat shoes for the spring and summer, PLEASE stand up for your dignity and insist that they be a tasteful, grown-up color, like these.

And one more thing: no socks. Boat shoes are meant to be worn without socks, okay? If I see you on the subway wearing these things with socks, I'm going to laugh and point, but if I see you wearing one of those silly colors, I'm going to cry.