Frankenpants

I don't follow high fashion, but I do pay attention to what is being offered to men of average means and tastes. I do this for a number of reasons: I just like to shop, I care about my appearance and I like to know what's out there, I like to observe how trends make their way into the culture, and I like to have some advance warning about things that are horrible and wrong and should not be suffered by any man.

It's that last part that leads me to today's example of What Not to Wear: The Guy Edition (with apologies to Clinton and Stacy, but I suspect they wouldn't mind). For more than four decades, Lands' End has been dressing men (and women) who want to look presentable at work but don't want to put any effort into thinking about it. There's really nothing wrong with that. They serve a need, and their clothing tends to be fairly priced and decently made.

But a while back I noticed something in the Lands' End catalog called "trouser jeans." Basically these are pants that combine the front half of a pair of khakis (a flat front with pockets on the side seams) with the back half of a pair of jeans (a seamed yoke below the waist and sewn-on back pockets). This is the sartorial equivalent of a mullet (business in the front, party in the back), and an answer to a question that never should have been asked.

As soon as I realized what I was looking at, my first thought was, Why? I can't help but wonder what the designers were thinking. It's so wrong on so many levels. Jeans may be a little more comfortable than khakis, but it's not like the typical pair of khakis is constricting; if yours are, you are either buying the wrong size, or you're shopping in the wrong place. If you work somewhere that doesn't allow you to wear jeans, how is this any better? The only difference is that these are made out of twill or canvas, but it's not difficult to find jeans that are made that way. They could be worse, but only if the front was pleated.

The more I thought about it (and I couldn't stop thinking about it, although I certainly tried), the more I felt that if anything, this unholy hybrid pant should have been done the opposite way: jeans in the front, khakis in the back. Why? I think the front pockets of jeans are easier to use because the opening is horizontal instead of vertical, and the set-in rear pockets are neater and more presentable. Then I decided I was nuts for thinking about it so much.

If you clicked on the link above, you may have noticed that these pants are now on sale. We can only hope that Lands' End has learned its lesson and is getting rid of them for good.